“Mature Christians limp!” While I may not remember all the details from my four years at Seminary, I can distinctly remember sitting in the basement classroom for Hebrew Bible 1 when our late professor Gwen Sayler boldly exclaimed “Mature Christians limp!” It’s quite a thing to hear this in class coming from a karaoke speaker, especially when I originally thought it was a joke about how the year before three of us happened to obtain ankle injuries that required crutches at the same time… Except Gwen was being serious, and I have thought about that comment at least once a week since this happened in my second year of Seminary. She was referring to our reading today from Genesis, when Jacob wrestled with this unnamed being and prevailed, although it left him walking away limping.
While there are a lot of questions in the Hebrew about what exactly is happening in this reading, it is definitely in the top 10 of my favorite Scripture readings, perhaps because of what Gwen taught us. I cannot help but read this today with the lens that we are given permission to wrestle with God. To ask our questions, to lament, to keep holding on. I think, in many ways, Jacob’s injury is a tangible reminder of the spiritual injuries we also sometimes carry with us. Whether it be the pain of unanswered prayers, questions about why bad things happen to good people, or even asking God where God is in the midst of all these terrible news stories: gun violence, wars, natural disasters, pandemics. Or, unfortunately in the case of Gwen and our class, the sudden and unexpected death of our beloved faculty member during the middle of the school year, not long after the lesson for today’s reading. When all of this is happening around us, we want to grab hold of God and keep holding on until we get answers. And, unfortunately, sometimes like Jacob, all we are left with is more questions. But, that doesn’t mean we don’t leave transformed.
After receiving his injury, Jacob, is renamed Israel: “The other said, ‘Your name will no longer be called Jacob,’ or ‘Heel-Grabber,’ but ‘Israel’—‘Overcomer of God’—because you have wrestled with both God and mortals and you have prevailed” (Genesis 32: 28). Jacob is transformed by this wrestling match, physically yes, but also his identity is changed. Similarly, I think that our faith can be transformed after our wrestling matches with God. Doubting and asking questions doesn’t make our faith weaker, but allows us to have a deeper connection with our faith because it wasn’t just something that someone else told us to believe. We get to figure out what it means for us.
Which is why I love the image of the wrestling in Genesis partnered with today’s Gospel parable, because of the persistence of both Jacob and the widow. “Jesus told the disciples a parable on the necessity of praying always and not losing heart” (Luke 18: 1). When paired with the Genesis reading, I don’t think this applies to just praying, but to our relationship with God in general. Neither the widow nor Jacob were prepared to walk away from their challenges without getting answers. Both were in places of deep fear, I imagine. The widow could not get help from the judge and we get Jacob’s wrestling story in the middle of the story about his reunion with his brother Esau, which Jacob does not yet know will be a joyous reunion instead of a deadly one. But, the widow and Jacob do not give up in their quests either. Just as God does not give up on them.
Jesus ends his parable by talking about how if the immoral judge could be persuaded by the widow’s persistence, then surely isn’t God greater than that? “Jesus said, ‘Listen to what this corrupt judge is saying. Won’t God then do justice to the chosen who call out day and night? Will God delay them long? I tell you, God will give them swift justice’” (Luke 18: 7-8a). God can handle our wrestling, and, we have these promises of who God will be for us in today’s Gospel. So, we cry out to God, we wrestle, and we ask our questions about why all these things are happening in our lives and in our world. We ask God where God is in the midst of all the bad. And, we keep hanging on as we wrestle with these questions, who we want God to be, and who God promises to be for us. Because, God doesn’t promise to be everything that we want God to be or do everything that we want God to do, but God promises to bring justice, to call us beloved, to walk with us through life. We get to lament and ask God to be the God that was promised to us in Scripture. So, we keep hanging on as we wrestle.
“Mature Christians limp!” As we grow and evolve in our faith, I think we pick up injuries along the way. Not because God wants to injury us, but because we become unafraid to ask the questions, enter the wrestling match, and hold on for dear life. We have experienced life and now we have some questions that we want answers to. We have moved from just accepting everything that someone else tells us we should believe and we get to figure out what that looks like for ourselves. I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been hurt by the institutional church in my lifetime, because we have had our fair share of wrestling matches too, but I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t entered into those matches and asked questions about who I believe God to be. “Mature Christians limp,” not because of our desire to be better than God, but I think because of our desire to be closer to God, to understand God more deeply and strengthen the relationship that we have with God. So, next time that you find yourself wanting to argue and question and wrestle with God, I am reminded that we are given this beautiful Biblical example that Jacob wrestled with God too.
But, in the case of Jacob, sometimes our wrestling still leaves unanswered questions, like when Jacob asks for his opponent’s name and only receives the question, ‘Why do you ask me my name?’ (Genesis 22: 29b). So even though Jacob receives his blessing after this, sometimes it feels like we are only left with more questions and no answers. Yet, we see from the persistence in the wrestling match with Jacob that our relationship with God doesn’t have to end in the midst of the wrestling match. In fact, I think for me that is the times when my faith has been most strengthened; when I’ve wanted to argue and wrestle and cry out. Because, as we talked about many times in my theology classes as we discussed the problem of evil, hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. It is an act of our love when we show up for the challenges. And, after all, God can handle our wrestling.
Yet, as someone who has experienced hip injuries, I know just how painful they can be, and how they seem to hang on too. Jacob did not walk away from his wrestling match unscathed, but bearing the marks of what he has endured. And, while the actual injury are painful, I think that it is also a reminder of his relationship with God and God’s presence in his life that is made known to him with every limping step. I’m not advocating for us to go out and receive spiritual injuries, but I do invite you to hold yours gently if you have any. To know that it is okay to acknowledge the pain of them, and also the growth in our relationship with God that has possibly come from them. Because if we learn anything from Jacob’s story, it’s that God holds onto us tightly too. Not desiring to let us go, even when we insist on wrestling and questioning, and walk away limping.