Sunday April 7th, 2024 Worship

As someone who had 5 surgeries before I turned 15, I was always ashamed of my scars, especially the incredibly visible ones on my knees. I distinctly remember the “ew gross” that was frequently echoed by my middle school classmates any time I wore shorts when my surgery scars were still healing. It made me feel extra self-conscious, which is already a struggle in middle school anyway. Or the other reaction was a strange desire to touch my scars. This was mostly because I no longer have feeling on my knee scars, so I had a few friends in particular who would decide to touch them during the middle of class and see how long it took me to notice. It was weird for both my teachers and I… Despite my complicated relationship with them, the reality is that these scars still remain a part of my body and are a part of my story.
I think it’s because of my experience with scars that I have a deep love for this Gospel passage today. The Risen Christ enters into the midst of the terrified disciples, worried that they are going to be the next to be crucified and shows them his scars. The Risen Christ isn’t magically healed to have flawless skin, but still retains these marks of what his body has just endured. Showing off his scars is the second thing he does in their presence, only preceded by his proclamation of ‘Peace be with you’ (John 20: 19b-20). His scars show these disciples that it is actually Jesus in their midst; these scars are forever a part of his story.
Last year when we had this Gospel reading, I preached in defense of Thomas’s doubt, especially because this would be a terrifying experience for the already frightened disciples. But, I want to focus today on Thomas’s desire to specifically see Christ’s wounds in order to believe. He says, ‘I’ll never believe it without putting my finger in the nail marks and my hand into the spear wound’ (John 20:25b). First, I just want to say that’s a little gross, like, really Thomas?? But, besides the desire to put his hands in the marks on Jesus’ body, I think it attests to our human nature to desire physical proof about certain things. I know I was on the receiving end of jokes in middle school about how my scars could just be really believable make-up, although I can assure you that they were a lot more painful.
For Thomas, I think this desire to physically feel these marks on Jesus’ body comes down to the reality of what they have just witnessed. Touch is profoundly experiential and for Thomas he is craving this touch because this reality seems too impossible unless it can be grounded in some sort of experience. He doesn’t really have a lot of experience with other resurrected people, so this makes sense. In some ways, it reminds me of the advice that people with anxiety will receive about finding objects to see, taste, touch, and smell to bring us back to the present moment. When the anxiety starts to spiral, we need something to ground us in the present moment. And, rightfully so, Thomas is probably incredibly anxious. I mean, we already know that the disciples are locked away in fear, and now Jesus has returned?! I’d be worried if Thomas wasn’t anxious about that and what that means because it is so outside of anything they have ever experienced before, and he only has the account of the other disciples to go off!
Jesus replies to this encounter with Thomas by saying: ‘You’ve became a believer because you saw me. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20: 29). I get what Jesus is trying to say here, especially because after he has ascends the people will not be able to see his scars, but will have to believe based on the testimony of others. But, honestly, maybe this isn’t fully Thomas’s fault, but his fellow disciples could have done a better job explaining their experience with Christ! On a less sassy note, I think that our senses are in fact a part of our faith. While we cannot see the marks on Jesus’ body, there are certain aspects of our faith that are incredibly experiential. Like coming to the communion table to receive bread and wine; we don’t just symbolically hold up the elements and tell you it is the same thing as tasting and seeing. In baptism, we use water that we can see and feel and hear as we are surrounded by these promises of God. And, we have other times where we cannot fully explain our experience, but the music or the gathering moves us in ways that touches our emotions.
Our faith is experiential because God has gifted us with this bodies that are able to experience our faith. We are given these beautiful bodies to exist in that gives us our own unique experience with faith and the world. Whether our bodies have scars or don’t always function the way we think bodies should or the way we want them to, we are created to live out an embodied faith. Created in the image of God, we get to testify to what God has done and the diversity in how that is experienced, and I think that is an absolutely amazing thing.
So, when we join Thomas in looking at the resurrected Christ’s scars and markings, it also reminds us that Christ promises are for all of us and all of us, including our own scars from our journey along the way. It is a reminder that Christ has borne this pain upon his own body, and thus intimately understand what it means to suffer and be in pain. For someone who was ashamed of my scars growing up, this is such good news. That all of us is included in the Body of Christ and that this body of Christ isn’t a “perfect” body, if any such thing even exists.
Now most days, I forget that my scars are even there, as they have faded over the last decade and a half, but that doesn’t mean that my body forgot the experience. I’m reminded of it every time I focus on walking while doing PT or when I wear shorts for the first time in the spring. And, I think it helps to have more compassion for others when we recognize that all of us carry scars, whether they be physical, emotional, or even spiritual. Those scars are not excluded from the body of Christ, but instead when Jesus says to Thomas: ‘Take your finger and examine my hands. Put your hands into my side.’ (John 20: 27a), that Jesus is not ashamed of his scars. They are a part of who he is as the resurrected Christ. May we hold onto our scars with gentleness too, as we rejoice with this resurrected Christ whose body tells the story of all that he has endure for our sake.